exp1 :

Higher salaries are important for the high standard of living of employees. However, good working environment is much more important than high salaries. I agree with this opinion and I will explain the arguments of my view.

My first argument for defending this view is that employees cannot live in toxic workplace because mental health directly impacts employee retention and corporate output. From my personal experience, I suffered a lot from toxic working environment and this caused me depression and I had to change my work because I could not stand bad bullying.  

Moreover, the other argument to explain my view is that more employees prefer peace of mind in their job and this makes them happy and efficient. In my last training of Data Governance with my IT team, I have enjoyed a group course in which the professor was giving everyone a chance to participate and ask questions in an interactive atmosphere and this helped me advance in my projects.

Therefore, I highly recommend to people to choose wisely good working environment more than higher salaries because we need to enjoy our team work and be leaders to also participate in the welfare of others and to rise together. 

FEEDBACK ON YOUR ESSAY:
1. Task Achievement 
•	Word Count Penalty: Your essay is around 192 words. IELTS Task 2 requires a minimum of 250 words. Falling short directly penalizes your Task Achievement score.
•	Academic vs. Personal Balance: IELTS permits personal examples, but devoting entire body paragraphs exclusively to personal stories makes the essay sound like a personal journal entry rather than an academic essay.
•	Fix: State a general societal rule first (e.g., "Mental health in the workplace directly impacts employee retention and corporate output"), and then briefly use personal or general observations to support it.
2. Lexical Resource & Collocations
•	"Environment of work" : Use "working environment" or "workplace environment".
•	"Bad quality of their production" : Use "lower productivity" or "poor work performance".
•	"Peace of minds" : "Peace of mind" is an uncountable idiom (always singular: "peace of mind").
•	"Fruitful" :While acceptable, "productive" or "efficient" fits a professional context better.
3. Grammatical Range & Accuracy 
•	"Much important than" : Comparative adjective error. It must be "much more important than".
•	"Can not live" : Written as one word: "cannot".
•	"Recommend to choose" : The verb recommend is followed by a gerund or a that-clause: "recommend choosing" or "recommend that people choose".
•	Capitalization: Always capitalize the singular pronoun "I" ("because I could not stand...").

Upgraded Band 7.0+ Model Answer (BASED ON YOUR IDEAS)

While high salaries undoubtedly contribute to a higher standard of living, I firmly believe that a positive working environment is far more crucial for an employee's overall well-being. A supportive workplace fosters better physical and mental health, which ultimately leads to greater productivity and career satisfaction.

First and foremost, working in a toxic environment can severely damage an employee's health and work output. When individuals face constant pressure, hostility, or bullying, it often results in severe anxiety and depression. Consequently, their output at work declines, creating a negative cycle for both the worker and the employer. From my personal experience, enduring a toxic work culture caused me significant mental distress, to the point where I was forced to leave my job. This experience demonstrated to me that no amount of money can compensate for a damaged mental state.

Furthermore, most professionals prioritize peace of mind because a healthy workplace culture promotes productivity and job satisfaction. When employees feel valued and supported by their peers and leaders, they are more motivated to contribute effectively. For instance, during a recent Data Governance training program with my IT team, our instructor cultivated an open, interactive atmosphere where everyone was encouraged to ask questions and collaborate. This positive environment not only made learning enjoyable but also enabled us to advance our projects more efficiently.

In conclusion, although competitive salaries are attractive, a healthy workplace atmosphere is essential for sustained personal and professional growth. Therefore, job seekers should prioritize team culture and healthy working conditions over financial incentives alone, as true career success depends on long-term happiness and well-being.

270 WORDS.